Brendan Hancock: the 10 funniest things I have ever seen (on the internet)

Last year I got punched in the nose by a lesbian during a Monday night mixed football game. It was a Tim Winton wet dream of an evening – balmy, jacarandas abloom and late in the year when that well-manicured fist connected squarely, although accidentally, with my face. And I’ll tell you this for free, but boy did people laugh. Millennials will rightfully laugh at violence which makes sense for the first internet generation raised on a diet of Australia’s Funniest Home Videos and Mad TV music parodies (none included in the list sadly).

As a stupid gay clown, laughter is my currency and I’m excited to take you on a tour of my turn of the millennium-pilled neuroses. So let’s get in the broken-down 1993 Honda Civic that is my brain and take a drive down old internet lane.

1. The Actress

Every gay man has a ride-or-die diva and mine is unabashedly Emma Stone. This SNL sketch – written by famed homos Bowen Yang and Julio Torres – is *chef’s kiss*. When we consider perspectives other than our own we can imagine a beautiful world. And yes, that includes the wife who gets cheated on in a gay porno. Bravo.

2. Amsterdam Housewives fight

You beast. Let’s talk about the husband. These aren’t punchlines but very well-delivered takedowns. The drama of this scene building and building is perfection. The private made public. Can you tell I have a Hecs debt for a communications degree that I haven’t started paying off yet?

3. George Michael’s Outside

Forget about Senate twink because George Michael’s Outside music video takes the cake for serving the most cheek. Camp is its own vein of humour and this is a masterclass in a clap back. Being outed in the 90s aside, we’ve got punchlines: “I’d service the community but I already have, you see”, a cruising bathroom discotheque reveal and Tom of Finland drag. Not lost on me that one of my favourite videos is about getting outside.

4. My Mum Makes Me Milo

They say tragedy and time equals comedy but that is boring and I hate being boring. I’d rather: Hot Department mixed with childhood nostalgia equals comedy. Nine times out of 10 if I’m laughing out loud alone in my house it’s because of these devils. No higher compliment. Check this sketch out for good constitution.

5. Kim Cattrall scatting with her husband

Not to beg, borrow and steal from another funniest things list (looking at you Madeleine Gray), but we were both asked to do this column on the same day when we were sitting in the back yard of a gay bar drinking margaritas in Santa Monica. Right off the bat, we both knew this would be a winner. The earnestness. The “scatting”. All I know is that hubby could play me like an upright bass anytime, what a hullabaloo!

6. Caleb Hearon performing the sacred art of standup comedy

If you follow a standup comedian on any platform these days, you’ll have been inundated with crowd work clips: an assumedly easy way to generate content without wasting your material in an incessant bid to pop off on the algorithm. While controversial in the community (a lot of them suck!), I suppose we’re all just shouting into the void to be noticed, so all power to them. This clip from Caleb Hearon ignores all of that and is just some good classic standup. Go forth.

7. Matt Rogers as the hottest Who in Whoville

There is quite literally nothing stopping you from putting someone’s Instagram video on this list and hoping that they have a Google alert on their name so they can realise you have put them on the list for two reasons. First, it’s funny. And second, it’s because I’m asking them out. So Matt if you’re seeing this, let’s go for a negroni sbagliato and make out sometime.

8. Kate Berlant takes a phone call on her banana phone

We have a deep well to draw on here as Kate Berlant is the supreme. But I’ve chosen banana phone. A simple premise where a woman answers and then has a video call on her banana phone. If you’ve ever flirted with someone over the phone, or if you’ve ever just wanted to feel seen this is the sketch for you. Also check out Berlant’s special Cinnamon In The Wind. Or literally any sketch she’s done with John Early.

9. Bird v dog

Peak Australiana right here. Eric the corella gets in a fight with the dog. There are two sides to every story but I’m inclined to believe Eric when he says the dog is acting like a series of expletives. This has a similar vibe to kids swearing but just nudges in front. Additional props to the Vegemite couch cover.

10. Wussy Mag

Gay people are quite literally the stupidest people I have ever met. And I’ve never seen an Instagram account so consistently understand that than Wussy Mag – a queer art and pop culture account. It’s horny and funny and I couldn’t possibly pick a favourite. That being said, I will be leaving this post here and expecting you to call me.

• Brendan Hancock is a comedian and producer. You can follow him on Instagram, catch him in April at his Melbourne International Comedy festival debut or see him hosting the Two Queers Comedy festival at Paddington town hall on 16 February