· Bye-bye innocence With his single innings, India’s teens have just lost their innocence. ‘Ab chauda saal ke bachhe bachhe nahi rahe’ (14-year-old kids are now no longer kids) is a refrain doing the rounds this week.
· Greater expectations After Suryavandhi’s innings, the world will expect a 10-yr-old to climb Everest, a 9-yr-old to run the mile in less than 4 mins, and a 13-year-old to bring India an Olympic gold.
· Brat race For most children, whose parents or guardians watched/read/heard about the innings, the rat race – school-coaching-gym-studies, repeat – will begin at 6.
· Changing diets Diets for pregnant mothers will include ‘Watching cricket for 2 hours each day’. More children will be named after cricketers. Toddlers will be monkey-trained to answer, ‘IPL cricketer,’ when anyone asks ‘Beta, bade hokar kya banoge?’ (Son, what will you be when you grow up?) · Talent hunters Talent scouts, pretending to be parents, will snoop around schools scrutinising score sheets, sidling up to umpires, and lurking behind the nets. · Coaches galore A 9-yr-old will attend fielding coaching on Friday, batting coaching on Saturday, bowling coaching on Sunday, mental coaching on Monday, and captaincy mentorship on Tuesday.
· Politickle capital Some party secretary will invite the teenager to an election rally, make him sit in a front seat, fix an oversized badge on his chest, and ask him to wave to the crowd.
· School’s out Most school principals will reconcile to a dip in school attendance and academic performance in Classes 7-8 – ‘Time to select between taking cricket as a career, or a conventional naukri’.
· National setback Engineering giants like L&T can keep complaining about a dearth of engineers. After this VS innings, the paucity could only get worse.
· Sacrificial lambs There could be a spate of resignations by parents in their 40s to ferry their children to coaching, practice and matches, justified by the classic, ‘We saw the talent early, and made a family sacrifice.’
· Age inflation 14 will be the new 18. Bryan Adams will have to rewrite his classic as ’14 Til I Die’.
· Minor major change There will soon be a demand that 15-year-olds be allowed to vote, drive, and marry. Suryavanshi’s one innings has made India seem so 1960 again.
· Retirement adjustments Burnout could happen after teenagers have made ₹50 cr by 19, put the dosh in debt mutual funds, and have decided to live happily ever after.
· Chief guest fever Suryavanshi will be invited to inaugurate Ram Leelas and Durga Pujas, make a statement on women’s empowerment, become an inner-wear brand ambassador, and endorse mineral water carrying the same name as a liquor brand.
· Posterboy for postermen Some bureaucrat will highlight this innings as a success of Modi sarkar’s child education programmes helping build a new India.
· Success matlab… After this one innings, the life mission of an entire country will be to play IPL, hit sixes, and be mentioned in headlines. An ordinary life will look way ordinarier.
· Comparative studies Everyone will be compared with the ‘na-baaligh’ 14-year-old, including the great Tendulkar – ‘Was Sachin as good at 15 as Vaibhav is at 14?’
· Bio-gradable An official biography and a biopic should already be in the works.
P.S. Suryavanshi’s duck in his next match against Mumbai Indians on Thursday, thankfully, eased some pressure on teens across the world. Let’s see what he does against KKR tonight.
The writer is CEO, Trisys
