It’s no secret that parenting is hard. There’s the lack of sleep, the stretched finances and the impact it has on relationships, work and your health.
Which makes having a supportive partner absolutely crucial.
For some, this is not an option, and these parents become both mum and dad. But for those who are have a co-parent, one fed-up woman has some words of warning – specifically for the mum.
Basically, we need to stop making excuses for rubbish male partners who are not pulling their weight.
Cate Nelson took to Facebook to share a post which struck a chord with her as a single mum.
She begins: “In case anyone needs to hear this. I did. My life got infinitely easier when I left my ex. The biggest secret about single parenting is that (aside from the financial struggles), it’s *much* less stressful than trying to fill in for a lazy partner.”
Then she shared the words which resonated so strongly with her.
“On every page I follow, in every parent group I am in, I see the same thing: mothers talking about how exhausted they are, how hurt they are by the imbalance of work in their heterosexual relationships.
“The problems are all some variation of ‘I just gave birth/am up half the night breastfeeding. Why do I have to also make dinner and clean while my spouse watches TV?’
“The advice is always the same: Be gentle with yourself. You can’t do it all. Parenthood is hard.
“Blah blah blah.
“I don’t know which of you needs to hear this, but I’ll give you some better advice: Divorce his ass.
“This cultural norm where a man buys his free time with his partner’s labor, suffering, and sometimes with the literal destruction of her body is misogyny on steroids.
“Men are not innately incompetent or lazy or incapable of doing their fair share. Tell that jackass to get off the golf course, get his ass home, get up in the middle of the night with the baby, and start earning the right to stay married.
“And remind him that not all men are this way, and that a dude who doesn’t do his fair share is not exactly a prize.
“He is replaceable. Lazy men who think you should have to work 168 hours a week while they work 40 are easy to find.
“If my spouse can pull his weight while litigating police and prison death cases and dealing with the unending horror of our current legal system, then your Johnny Do Nothing husband can manage to get up with the damn baby and stop blaming your postpartum depression on your woman hormones.
“If he gets free time and you don’t, if he gets to sleep and you don’t, if you have to do the grunt work and he doesn’t, guess what. It’s not an accident.
“He knows exactly what he is doing. Division of labor imbalances in marriage are a form of spousal abuse.
“Stop making excuses for s****y men.”